Tagged: wet dreams

Controlling sexual desires

I’m 20 years of age. I’ve have been trying to control my sexual desires and follow celibacy. But,sometimes I get infatuated or attracted to girls. The worst part is I get wet dreams once or twice in two months. I feel guilty of it and I hate it. I don’t indulge in any sexual acts(like masturbation or watching porn) like my friends. But, wet dreams is one thing which I couldn’t control.I usually sleep at 11 or 12 and wake up only after 7. I’ve tried waking up at dawn, but in vain. Even if I go to bed early and wake up at dawn, I feel very sleepy and drowsy for the entire day. So, I prefer going to bed at 11 and waking at 7. Can give me any suggestions on controlling wet dreams and preventing infatuation?Any tips for waking up at dawn without feeling sleepy for the entire day?

Dear soul,

Thank you for your honest question.
You do not mention why you are “trying” to follow celibacy. That is an important aspect.
It is that a life style based on spiritual reasons, a psychological outlet from a personal issue, or just something momentarily?

Please do not feel guilty. It is a waste of time and energy and could only contribute to make this “issue” to continue on.

In the world of “normal people,” you are ahead in “awareness” and willing to find solutions. That will take sometime to try different things and see for yourself what works for you.

I will give you some suggestions:
Trying to control sexual desires is a sure way to fail in celibacy.
It is not by controlling how we can have a celibate lifestyle, but by transforming that sexual energy into something else. That refinement of energy comes with a change in your life style primarily.

Being vegetarian is a must. Developing feelings by being acquainted with the beauty of Nature, its sounds and colors is another strong help. Balancing your male energy with your own female energy is the last one and that can be accomplished with the help of Nature as well.

There are some activities which are considered “female” which you could participate to balance that energy: singing, dancing, hatha yoga, etc. Also the influence of the elements of Nature such as the Moon and the Ocean are considered of female energy. Have walks at night by the Ocean or a Lake.

Wake up early. 5 AM or 6 AM and gently exercise by doing pranayama and hatha yoga outdoors. Be out before everyone else wakes up.

Be aware on the position that you sleep. Facing up should help, for you should be aware that at dawn your sexual energy will naturally reach its higher point, especially at your age.
That is why, the practice of waking up very early is helpful (so that time period is skipped when you are completely conscious.) Take a nap in the afternoon. That is a healthy practice and that will take your tiredness away until you get used to getting up early.

You have not talked about the contents of your dreams. They could give you clues in what you need to take care of. If they are sexual dreams, you are repressing, rejecting and your unconscious mind is letting you know that.

It is important to spend regular time with Nature for that beauty will develop your feelings so the next step, which you mention as feeling attraction towards girls could be transformed.

Nothing wrong when feeling attraction for girls. Please keep that in mind. It is natural and it is positive if you have learned to transform the “normal” ways.

What you feel will be transformed in appreciation for that which you feel attracted to. Appreciation of beauty. Appreciation of a complementary female energy in front of you.

This blog and healthycelibacy.blogspot.com have plenty of information on the topic of celibacy. I invite you to search those articles in this blog by using that keyword (celibacy) and you are encouraged to ask about this topic if you have further questions.

Best wishes!

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Spiritual sexual alchemy: Understanding Being and Non being.

glass of water

One of the most important teachings to realize in Spirituality is the “concept” of “being and non-being.” In other words, we are “this,” but also “that.” This knowledge is very helpful when we are experiencing different things in life.

Yes, I am a soul; but also I am a human being. Therefore, it is not about “denying” what we defined as not “being,” but rather to become aware that according to my consciousness, I could be “either one,” or both if necessary.

Youth and old is another such duality that we typically select. We value youth and despise old. Ego issues and suffering will arise out of this partial “choice.”

As a matter of fact, the time when old age starts and thus, the physical form declines in a visible manner, that is the time when spirituality blossoms. In a way, we are being helped by life. On the other hand, when that attachment to the physical form is strong, then we see the pitiful picture of older individuals trying to “look young” again. To be attached to the form is a sure way to suffer. Not to be able to recognize the opportunity to thrive in the “real” aspect of the self, is to be searching for the “ghost” of happiness on something which is temporary.

Similarly in sexuality, many look at it from the perspective of reproduction. There is life. However, that is tinted with the selection of “pleasure over pain.” That pleasure is not only physical but psychological. When that selection has been made, there is space for suffering to arrive as well. Attachment to pleasure brings pain, paradoxically.

For a “normal” individual the act of ejaculation or to have a “wet dream,” is “normal,” there are many studies done over “normal” people which clearly states that this behavior is “normal.” For them, it is all bout the human body. Then, a sexual urge is like water in a glass. Once that glass is full of water (sexual energy,) then it needs to be “released.”

That “release” occurs in many ways, but the point is, that from the physical perspective of a “normal” human being, we are talking just about water and a glass. If there is pleasure once the water overflows the glass, then that is an experience to “repeat and enjoy” in as many possible ways. That depletion of energy is “OK” for “normal” people “do it.” 🙂

However, in the world of spiritual alchemy, that same sexual energy is the beginning of the change in our personality.

That sexual energy will attach to another building block, which is related with the use of our energies. When we use our energies without being conscious and we add violence in one way or another, that energy will spill again, that is it will be a glass of water again rather than a “conduit” for higher awareness.

If our energies are channelized in balance so there is no physical exertion or emotional and mental pressures from the outside, then that energy will flow into an upper channel; that “upper channel” is the one dealing with feelings. It is from this channel that we can conquer the sense of touch and from that, sex-lust.

After that channel there is an upper movement to the power of words and sounds. At this point, we will be able to listen with attention and empathy to internal sounds as well as external. Every human being “emits” a sound. Those sounds are not just words but the “sound” in itself communicates many things: fear, anger, love, etc.

Once there is a mastery of those feelings, we can really talk about a person who is in balance with all sounds, inner and outer and thus, that person will be able to move in harmony.

As we can see, sexuality could be a “glass of water” or a channel for spiritual growth.

“Normal” people do not know about the later, for that takes more than “making money,” and “doing what normal people do,” that is spiritual upliftment beyond religions and words, it is the experience which cannot be transmitted but only experienced.

As our consciousness; so we will be able to see a glass full with water or a channel for Spirituality. Both visions are “valid,” but different. Both visions bring different results. It all depends on our level of awakening.

(Note: Adapted from a class from Mathias as experienced by avyakt7.)