From yesterday’s example, we could perceive how important is to understand, release emotional traumas and beliefs stagnant in ourselves first, to be able to make something greater than ourselves, that is to be in a relationship with someone.
We already live in relationship in different levels; but the deepest the relationship, the need for less “I” there will be.
Some may need time alone, others will learn even when in a relationship.
Because the “I” is self-centered in his own activities, a deep relationship with another human being becomes a challenge.
The cultural response to this “problem,” has been the “master and servant” relationship.
One “I” has greater weight than the other “I,” the companion.
In many cultures that typically means that a male will be the “boss,” the “provider,” the “wise,” the main character. A female is left for second seat.
Observe that this type of set up is “fool proof,” for it is difficult for an “I” to live with another “I” at the same level, in “equality.”
As human rights activists, change of roles, equality talks etc. have appeared, it is not surprising that commitment in relationships have dropped.
One thing is to say: “would you marry me?” or to let the relatives pick the partner for us, and a different thing is to have that sense or feeling of commitment by becoming aware of all the “lessons” that this commitment will entail.
When we are ready to enjoy that journey in their “ups and downs” completely by always looking at this setting as the opportunity that Life brings to increase our own emptiness from the “ghosts” of the past, perhaps at that point, we may be ready.
Love is related with emptiness as the Ocean is with fish.
The “I” will be able to “love” only as long as the “other” enhances, supports, satisfies the needs of that “I.”
Commitment requires the opening to go beyond that “I.”
It is as if a room full of things, wanted to become “one” with another room full of things. Every room has its own “boxes.” Thus, one “I” needs to be the main figure for the relationship to survive.
It is at that point, where another interesting word has been invented: Compromise.
“Today is your turn and tomorrow it is mine.”
Observe how there are 2 distinct “I”s throughout the relationship trying to play together as a team.
There cannot be depth in that, as the separation is obvious.
Because an “I” may be continuously denied for the sake of the other “I,” then this will create friction, resentment, etc.
What is the solution?
Obviously to be aware that this is a typical process in a relationship. It is the meeting of the “I”s.
Is it “bad”?
No. It is “good.” Live and learn. Many will keep on blaming the “other” rather than looking at themselves, their “buttons” being pushed, their own limits.
It is a learning process, which takes time and commitment.
We could observe that inner work, becomes a very important aspect to be able to relate with another human being, whether the “other” is full of “I” or not.
At one point, we will need to realize that we must look at our own “I.”
To live with another human being is another way to understand our own shortcomings, to empty ourselves.
We cannot learn that through a book, a spiritual class or through a religion. It has to be experienced and the lesson will be learned through the mirror of relationships.
The depth of love is experienced as a by product of that commitment.