The discovery of the reforming (the passage from mind to heart) and revitalizing effects of sexuality are in direct proportion to the development of consciousness, that is the manifestation of BEING without impediments to open up, to trust Life.
Bluntly put, in my experience without a “higher” consciousness (as a consequence of the assimilation of Life experiences without traumatic tones,) there could not be the experience of revitalizing, reforming and loving sex (Tantric Sexuality.) Therefore, Sexuality is intimately meshed with Spirituality to fully experience its benefits.
There is no class, no certification, no teaching that could transform someone into BEING the embodiment of Tantra. However, all those teachings are helpful for most to increase their awareness and information of something different about sexuality, which is not transmitted or taught by our deeply conditioned, violent and dormant society. There is benefit in everything.
The “road” to Tantric sexuality is not easy. It requires the space, the time to discover, to practice and to assimilate. Someone coming from the “busy world,” doesn’t have what it takes. Their minds will not leave them alone.
All ideas about “achievement” are a hindrance, a deep obstacle in learning to let go. There is no deep sexual enjoyment unless we let go.
A man has tremendous pressure: The pressure to last. The pressure to maintain. The pressure to be there “present.” All of those things are natural for a man who has liberated himself from past traumatic experiences and who feels at ease with his own body and the natural expressions of it. Those traumas take their own time to clear, for otherwise; it may be highly counterproductive. Our minds could be our deepest obstacle.
Observe how proponents of a “new sexuality” direct their “teachings.”
It goes something like this: “ A man needs to control his ejaculation. He needs to learn that ejaculation is not the same as orgasm. He can have orgasms but no ejaculation. Ejaculation depletes a man’s vitality.”
They offer methods, techniques, meditations, etc. to “achieve” that.
I say, that is a very violent teaching. “When we want to build a house, we need to put a strong foundation.” That is a well known cliché.
The foundation of sexuality is spirituality. That is to learn to live Life in enjoyment, in harmony. A person full with unhealed traumas, is not ready for that yet. The foundation is not there.
A man trying to restrain from ejaculating, is forcing himself into something which he is not ready. That “goal” is something which HAPPENS naturally. It is not something to get DONE through effort, through practice, through some method. This is the same “sin” that many religions perform: Get to the “ideal” to be saved, to be pure, special, etc. It doesn’t matter where you are in Life. Just fit the ideal. That “practice” will bring violent repression. What could be the “solution” in the meantime? To learn moderation. That takes inner knowledge.
As shared many times, sexuality only expresses who we ARE. Thus, by understanding our own self, there is an opportunity for natural change of BEING, which will be expressed naturally in sexuality.
We cannot force self change. We cannot make it “happen.” It happens. We can only change bahavior; the DOING part, but never change the true BEING. The inner world, our consciousness is not regimented or controlled by the way we understand Life. Our human conditioning is geared to use force, the use of will power to overcome, the use of moral values to give us self righteousness to act in what we perceive to be “right.” That is an ego centered way of understanding Life.
The misinterpretation of Tantric sexuality is evident. We want to “make sense of things,” and shape our understanding into some philosophy or view, which we are willing to apply to all. Life doesn’t move along those lines. “Just Do it,” doesn’t do it in self-realization.
Life is an untold discovery of ourselves. Sexuality expresses our journey as an artist expresses through a paint. From the outside, we judge and put a label to that paint according to our conditioning, likes or dislikes. However, the paint is only an expression of an artist, as long as the paint is not being done just to please others.
Many are inspired by gurus, saints and self proclaimed self-realized individuals, in their search for “enlightenment,” a “higher state,” etc. for they want to achieve that state for themselves.
Because these individuals think that to become “better” and achieve something as they have done in society, is “good.” Their role models fit that aspiration.
We may think that such goal is laudable, that it is something “good” to pursue and encourage the seeker to “obtain” that, to “achieve” it, so he can be a model too and tell us “how to get it” for ourselves later on.
Observe the desire to achieve. Observe the typical “modus operandi” in action: It is the same “method” that we have learned to DO and accomplish things in “Life.” We believe in “hard work” and steady effort to “achieve” this aspiration of “enlightenment” as well, by following the same.
Nevertheless, “spirituality” or the art of living Life in fulfillment; doesn’t follow the ways we have learned through centuries of conditioning.
Until we don’t realize that, we will be repeating the same pattern. A “higher state of BEING” is not like getting a job, or working hard through endless repetition of methods. As a matter of fact, our desires for such achievement, are of no consequence. It is not like what we have been taught.
Still, the machinery is at work in search for profit. Books, classes and other sources of information are sold to “help” the seeker to “achieve” his goals.
That is snake oil. However, it has a placebo effect according to the depth of belief.
Here is the premise to understand: The same ego, the same “I,” the same “mind” trying to achieve something “great” such as a higher state of BEING is the one required to melt away.
Thus, isn’t that desire to achieve something, coming from the same ego-mind which needs to wither away? “Oh Ok…then, I will achieve and then wither the ego away…” If it was like that, then everyone could be self-realized in “3 simple steps.”
A “higher state” is not achievable. For there will be no “I,” there to achieve. Further, a “higher state” only happens according to the need of time to those whose life experience calls for that. That “event” is beyond our DOING.
Let me be more explicit: The “I,” the “mind,” the “ego,” achieves through action, through DOING something. Observe how religions and spiritual paths have many rituals, commandments and practices thought to “better” a person.
However, DOING does not change BEING. DOING can only change behavior but never BEING.
No matter how many times we repeat some “practice,” BEING cannot change. BEING does not change due to the strong desire of the “ego-mind” to “succeed.” Spirituality is in the realm of BEING first, not DOING to cover BEING.
If the above is clearly understood, then we will face the “reality” that truly AWARENESS is the trademark of a conscious existence, which is not concerned in bringing change to itself, as change naturally happens; but rather OBSERVES, is AWARE of how it happens and naturally allows for it to happen at its own time. ALLOWING is key, when ego has been taught to control.
It is of paramount importance to understand what AWARENESS is, but the catch is that it cannot be explained or defined. There is the dictionary definition, but that is not the EXPERIENTIAL, complete, unmistakably meaning. As the experience of awareness happens and we become more conscious, then we will know.
In the meantime and until that happens, there are tons of “self-help” books, classes and information to help us “achieve” our spiritual goals; whether that is “heaven,” “self-realization,” or some other goal desired by the ego driven mind. It is good to get “busy.” 🙂
Yes, there is something for everyone.
“Ideologies can never be wise; ideologies are always idiotic.”
J. Krishnamurti – Public Talk 1 in Santa Monica, California, 16 March 1974
Any social movement or group believing in how society “should work” has an ideology which separates it from another group. Groups make up parties which have their particular “isms” which bring separation. In theory, there should be consensus, but practically there isn’t.
Therefore, politics is not concerned with the common good, but rather; the interests of particular group or groups.
What is the common good? It is inclusive. As our openness of perception expands; we will observe that the existence of countries is a way of separation, for each one has their own ideology, traditions, religions and plethora of other ancient mental images to protect. If 2 countries are professing the same ideology, then a distinctive flavor of it will foster separation. Democracy is a “holy” word. In theory it should be the same in every democratic country. However, practically; it means different things in different places. It is implemented in different ways as to finally dwindle into something unrecognizable, but yet the word “democracy” is used for it brings the stigma of “righteousness.”
Human political activities have damaged the world we all live in. Those activities are fueled by economical gain even though other beings (animals, plants, etc. ) are typically annihilated, even when knowing that the survival of all depends on being inclusive of all.
This inclusiveness is not some theory, some definition which could be easily made into another ideology. This inclusiveness has the root of empathy which solely depends upon the individual.
If John picks up a piece of paper from the ground and throws it into a garbage can without further incentive, but the motivation to help the common environment, then that is for the common good. If John does it because there is a tax incentive, then the activity may be for the common good, but it lacks empathy. Without empathy we are just another machine. A robot. Without incentives or economical gain, John will not observe around and help.
Every action is political, isn’t it?
Not necessarily. The element of empathy for the common good is what makes the difference. Whoever acts without political incentives with the intention of being true to himself, is acting without political agendas. That sort of action is not thought out. It cannot be defined. It happens in the “now” as Life happens.
But that is a dream! We cannot implement that to make any real changes in the world!
That is not the concern of empathy. It is not that everyone should do something when it is not in their hearts to do it. But those who feel it, will. That is enough. This is not a “majority win” game.
Politics has done and it continually does so much harm to our environment.
The environment, the world is one, but we keep dividing it, we keep separating it: Countries, races, religions, animal species, etc. We do not see how everything affects the common habitat. We are only concerned in creating more “jobs,” more “profit.” Greater “living standards.” A greater “GDP.” Where will the “jobs” be when there is no place left? Politics will give the illusion of a solution now. But we pay for it later. That has been the political agenda.
Politics in itself is a tool. However, it is used by egocentric, greedy individuals in a violent way. The outcome preserves inequality of wealth distribution and resources in our world.
What to DO?
BEING empathy. BEING compassionate. BEING concerned with the common good.
That “solution” could be implemented ASAP. It depends on each one of us.
Unavoidably, any political law made to fix a “problem” will create additional “problems.” It will affect some groups over others.
… But that will not “save the planet.”
No. But when it is time to go due to our global negligence; some will go rich and greedy, desperate to live and buy more time when there is none. Others, will go in a peaceful manner due to their compassion.
“You see, in their last moments people show you who they really are.” The Joker (From the movie “Batman the Dark Night.”)
Interesting how we need to wait until the end of the journey to find out. Life has a sense of humor. 🙂
A duality is understood as two separate options when truly is one line of continuity. I am not speaking about the “morality” of what we perceive as “bad” or “wrong” for that is a human value. I am pointing out that our perception of a duality as separate, opposite sides is an illusion in the “reality” of Life. We need language to identify a side of that duality, but if we consider one side valuable and despise or reject the other, we are setting ourselves up for suffering. Language is an identifier but let us forget the connotation that it brings, if we want to go deeper. For example, the word “snake” brings a connotation according to tradition or cultural conditioning (devil, penis, medicine- caduceus-, etc.) if we are influenced by that, we cannot look at the reality of the snake appearing in front us. The mind and its conditioning will give us an illusory reality.
Let me illustrate with the duality of life and death.
The weather is getting hotter because of the increase of carbon dioxide emissions. Superficially, we could say that “Australia is one of the largest per capita emission of carbon dioxide in the world; “ and come up with a “reason” for dead kangaroos and other animals there at this time, due to the recent fires. However, Life does not make distinctions of nationalities, which are man made illusions, part of the conditioning. Is Global warming “good or bad”?
Our moral conditioned mind will say “ It is bad.” Yet, our human “progress” depends on it. In a nutshell, the “economy needs global warming to thrive.” More cars, more coal powered electrical stations, more energy dependent sources on petrol and oil which are used in greater quantities as human population increases.
What we DO is in contradiction with what we say. It is called politics.
Do we see how something which we apparently call “bad” could be turned into “good” after a couple of turns in the streets of Life? We could change our perspective of “good and bad,” due to mass media and political pressures, but we cannot change the consequences.
Every belief and support in something labeled as “good” will bring its “bad” effect as well. Observe the current international situation between Iran and the USA. We are used to take sides based on our assesment of the “good and bad;” however, ego manifested as desire for control, is the “real” cause to observe and that ego is more important in the “normal” human mind than to respect Life. No matter what religious or moral teachings we may have superficially accepted about protecting Life; sooner or later the “truth” of who we ARE will come out. Then, the question of choosing countries and pair them with a label such as “good or bad” seems very infantile. Another example? it is said that the belief in God has brought some social order but many lives have been taken as well due to that belief. Our conditioning will follow what mainstream teaches us, but every belief has 2 sides which cannot be taken apart: To separate a duality to support one side and reject the other is insane; however, it is the “bread and butter” of our spiritual/religious/moral teachings.
Many years ago while I was running, a car hit a deer. The deer could hardly walk and went near the bushes to the side of the road. I looked for help as I didn’t know what to do. A couple of firefighters came with a security guard. They offered shooting the deer with a gun and “end its misery.” The firefighters “jokingly” (but seriously) were talking about eating the deer afterwards. I was in my late twenty’s at the time. I wanted for the deer to be in a tranquil space and asked for help because I thought the deer could get well. Nevertheless, I had to forcefully convince the people around me to let the deer go naturally. The “help” I brought, didn’t help in my view. I could see the face of despair of the deer. I couldn’t understand how some people were not sensible to pain and suffering. There was no empathy. Their “economic interests” were more important. From the time the deer was hit until it finally died, about 1 hour lapsed. I saw the deer die, and then the “helpful” people helped themselves.
Now, I understand that other humans will see Life with different eyes. Where some see despair and anguish; others see an opportunity to eat. Who is to say that my view is “good” and theirs “bad”? Judgment is out of the way in Life. There will be consequences for all players. No matter what we believe is “good or bad.” Life is about the experience of consequences. Are we able to OBSERVE the consequences of our own actions? As a consequence of this incident, I developed a trauma: I had to fight with others to impose my views which I thought were “right,” “compassionate,” etc. Superior than other people’s views. Also, the witnessing of pain and suffering in others affected me as if it was my own. Empathy is different than suffering for others. Their experience is not mine. Those traumas were with me for a long time. I am sure other consequences were experienced by the other “players” of the deer scene, although they may not be aware of that.
Beyond duality, there is the common good which cannot be perceived by the conditioned mind. It is only felt when there are no reasons or interests at stake.
The mind is a repository of information, memories. It is almost like a hard drive, being filled with videos (MP4) of our recorded life experiences, with the additional “feature” of being able to extrapolate assumptions based on the stored information. However, some information “leaks” as years go by. It is unreliable.
A “normal” person will use those memories and information as a source of “knowledge” and apply it to unknown situations, by assuming that existing trends or past life experiences, will continue as they had. We use Life experiences, the past; to forecast the future and new situations. We can label that as “ thinking” or “reasoning” and feel safe; but notice that this process is as good as flipping a coin to make a “choice,” for truly Life is completely unexpected. The threads of Life situations escape our mental perception.
A person living in the “mind,” will believe that “he” (“I”) is the mind. When Life throws something “new,” then the mind will retrieve information and use that info as bona fide source of action.
Trusting only the contents of the mind is a superficial way to meet Life. There are 2 or more paths opening in our Life at the same time, which one do we follow? That could be a hard “decision.” We have been taught to weigh the “pros” against the “cons.” We are merely speculating. We don’t know. What is perceived as “bad” could be necessary in our Life path in order to grow; but our “reason” may not see that.
Thus, we can flip a coin and odds are the same as “thinking through it.” However, we will be hesitant to do it, for “thinking” gives the false sensation of having some control over circumstances. We are great believers of the mind.
The mind is a static mechanism meant to recall past experiences. There is no creativity in it. Through it we only perpetuate the “same old thing.” That is the false sensation of security that we embrace.
The mind wishes to understand Life. How could it be? A “machine” built to keep, process and understand only pictures and data will feel intimidated when a “real” movie of Life is in front. The mind takes a picture, analyzes it, dissects it and comes up with some theory as to how the next movie frame “should be.” Otherwise, it gets a disappointing feeling, even a bitter taste: A trauma is made. However if the forecast happens, then ego pops up until the upcoming “failure” brings it down.
Ironically and philosophically, we may conclude that “Life is a bitch and then we die.”
Understanding Life through the mind is futile. A picture cannot explain the movie. We are spinning our wheels without moving an inch. Life is not meant to be mentally understood but lived. Living is not of the mind, but we assimilate the experience by being observant, quiet which is the way to learn, without making mental conclusions and theories.
When we talk to someone we may hear words and only believe what comes out of her mouth. Those who have a bit more observation, know that the overall feeling, gestures and setting will give a better clue. That “knowing” cannot be put in a book in easy to understand “fool-proof ”steps for everyone to read and “apply.” That “knowing” is more accurate as it fits “reality.”
Tantra moves along those lines. It is the invitation to abandon the mind and its understanding, its signals; which only makes our moves in Life through the path of stored fears. Very predictable, that is lacking creativity.
The very wish to understand Life through the mind, creates the motion of our minds over our hearts.
We will not dare to OBSERVE the movie of ourselves quietly, while moving in Life. We will be content with a “selfie” and hang on to some belief about that picture, which at the end will be shattered when Life moves beyond that point.
Paradoxically, Life is understood without trying to understand it. That may be the only requisite. That understanding is not of the mind; thus, closer to “what is.”
The teaching has been to DO something to become “better” in Life. That conditioning entails to negate who we ARE to pursue what “should be.” It is thought that DOING (some goal oriented action) will attain a “better” state of BEING.
Observe how our society supports this view. We encourage young people to obtain more, gain more, acquire more to become “better.” We encourage greed through the separation of “I” vs. “you.” We call that “ healthy competition.” Our society is founded on that principle. We need to compete and win, to become “better,” but nowadays as the amount of “competitors” have increased tremendously, to “win” is even necessary to survive. Paradoxically, the most “intelligent” species of the planet basically lives Life, to survive.
That ideology has ill consequences for society and the common good.
The same principle is applied into religious teachings and spirituality for the “masses.” Here, the prize is in the afterlife, whereas in society; the prize comes in this lifetime after some years of “sacrifice.”
That “prize,” whatever it may be; becomes the motivation. Therefore, every action that we take to pursue something “better” has a motive; a “because” when someone asks “why?”.
J. Krishnamurti observed:
“How do you observe the fact that you are conditioned? Do you observe it with the desire or motive that you must be free of it? If so, you have created a contradiction. So can you be free to observe without a motive? Motives are born out of your conditioning.”
When we create a contradiction from “what is” into what “should be,” then; our actions are goal oriented; nevertheless, the goal is an ideal, and the ideal is never “real.”
“I want to be humble.” That is the ideal. There will be some actions to follow as to accomplish the ideal of “humble.”
Our idea of “humble” cannot be the full extension of BEING humble no matter how much we practice. Thought out actions cannot attain what is in the realm of BEING. Without deep observation, understanding, acknowledgment of “what is”, the outcome will bring fake transformation. In short, deep observation is action.
To observe, to become deeply aware is the “true” action, and that brings change without motive, thus; true change, for observation is not concerned with labels or moral standards.
Observation requires attention, it has to occur without motive; that is without the mental explanation: “I am doing this because…”
On attention, J. Krishnamurti pointed out:
“Attention may last a second. That is good enough. Don’t be greedy to have more. In the greed to have more, you have already created the centre, and then you are caught.”
There is a motive which brings the conditioned “I” to the surface; that is the one who “wants to be better,” but that wanting is the reason why we cannot BE.
Observe that this “self-improvement” of “not wanting,” is the complete opposite of what our society has conditioned us to believe.
Awareness and deep observation has been replaced by the pursue of an empty ideal, which may bring “economical progress” to our society, but where quality of life is lacking.
A world taught to compete by dividing itself into little groups and little flags is deep sleep, as it is incapable of realizing that those divisions are illusions, which participants are unable to break free from. It is a strong conditioning.
For them, “freedom” is merely to comply with the ideal of “going away from one country flag to stay in another,” without realizing that we are still slaves of the illusion of division which is fueled by competition, which in turn; provides a motive, a purpose to live Life in society, which is bound to exist in contradiction with the ideas and illusions of other human beings.
We are never the same. There is no static moment, no past where we could look back and believe to be completely unchanged since then.
I observed some family members visiting us. They live in another country. The last family gathering was about 20 years ago. Now, they ARE different from what I knew before. It is not just looks. That is the most superficial aspect of change. They are different, “I” am different.
I had an image of them in my mind. That image created an expectation, which resulted in illusion.
The only thing without a change that I knew from before, was their names. The same outcome occurs when we are living closely with others, although we may not realize the changes.
As we grow in relationship with others, we change. An individual is affected by company. Most are aware of that.
Most are oblivious that as we grow older, our own changes will create an inner resistance, when we are aware of them. There is an image, a still picture of the “perfect” self, which we would like to keep.
That “poster” is living in the mind. As any poster, it is static, completely unchanged. It is not real.
Nevertheless, that is our point of inner comparison. Comparison is the mother of unhappiness, at any level.
Practically, we live to keep an image and we relate with our own images of others.
“Pat” has an image of “Carl.” There is “Carl’s image” as perceived by Carl himself.
Carl would like to be treated according to the image that he has of himself. Anything lower than that, is considered an insult. Pat will mingle with Carl, by using the image that she has of Carl. Those are the untold boundaries.
Typically, when we meet someone for the first time, we spend that meeting in creating an image of that person. If we like that person, then the image grows in accolades, until one day we may “realize” and say to her: “You have changed since I first met you.”
It could be many years before we awaken from the dream.
Similarly if we dislike a person. Our image about that person can only go down, as we strive for consistency. “We cannot be wrong.” Observe the inner game of placing images into simple containers of likes and dislikes and to consider those as the standards of accuracy, reality, etc.
Could we relate without images?
That may require great awareness of the tricks of our own minds.
To meet someone without “pictures and posters” in our minds, will allow that other person to BE, for there is no inner need for the other to comply with our own picture of expectations, requirements and ideals.
For that we need to be free from psychological neediness, at any level in regards to the other. If there is a need, there will be a picture and our desire to maintain that picture as the ideal. Consciously or unconsciously, we will manipulate “reality” to look like that picture.
Psychological neediness does not allow for a “true,” open, caring relationship; for we are concerned in keeping the validity of personal images, rather than becoming aware of and accepting unconditionally “what is.”
Will be taking a break until October 31st. Enjoy yourself! 🙂