The conditioning of imitation
“You should be like your brother, a good student, obedient and respectful…”
Parents may not realize it, but comparisons will leave deep scars in the “bad” son. Correcting is one thing, but comparing with another is only showing blunt rejection of a particular individuality. The “bad” son must imitate the “good” one to fit the standard. The unwilling separation (good/bad) made by the parent with his progeny, will bring further issues.
We have learned to imitate to gain acceptance. There is always a “model” to copy and to follow.
We experience consequences when acting. If we are AWARE we will learn from our own actions as well as other people’s activities. However; that does not happen very often, that is why a “role model” is important in our society. We just need to follow, imitate. That “authority” is the IDEAL, the standard. That person could be an athlete, a politician, a religious person… All IDEALS. Their behaviors in turn, must fit expectations of that IDEAL for them to continue as “role models.”
Therefore, imitation is the avenue for “success.” Our personality, our BEING may not fit the IDEAL, but our behavior must fit in. That creates hypocrisy, dishonesty. Our DOING is not the same as our BEING.
In the spiritual world, we have the image of Jesus (or some other realized being) to follow, even though we have never met him. There are expectations of what Jesus should have been like. There is this ideal of a “saint” which is painted in the minds of mainstream society. Society is interested in the IDEAL not in the person behind Jesus.
We are conditioned to imitate an IDEAL.
Tantra is sold to the masses as the IDEAL of blissful sex. What the masses shouldn’t know at all costs, is that sex is a personal experience. What is blissful for you, may not be for someone else. The IDEAL of “bliss” is sold, comparison arrives and a “problem” is created. Thus, someone should sell the “solution” or better yet, the IDEAL of a solution.
Do you know why the IDEAL of a solution is better than a complete “solution” itself?
The IDEAL continuously sells… we are always close to the full solution, but not quite yet. A “solution” once applied and proven cannot longer sell.
Imitation is based on an IDEAL. The IDEAL is something that cannot be reached. That is the appeal of it. The masses strive to get the IDEAL of a “saint,” a “holy man,” but it cannot be reached for the IDEAL is not “real.”
Nevertheless, for many imitators, there is no better “reality” than the IDEAL.
Living through IDEALS, we are unable to let go of the mind.
Living though IDEALS we believe in a world which only exists in our minds.
For instance, the word “Love.” It is an IDEAL. The use of that word in a speech could make us look “good,” “caring,” etc. Love thy neighbor, Love the world, Peace and Love, Love and Light… All pretty IDEALS.
What is “real” cannot be put into words, cannot be defined. Once we understand this deeply, we will not try to find meaning in the words that someone says, but we will go right into the feelings, we will feel someone and what we feel will not be put into words…. But we will know.
Then, Love may have a different meaning. 🙂
Appreciation and Enjoyment: The true doctrine of God
Observe that I have purposely used conditioned terminology: Truth, Doctrine and God.
Those 3 words have all the ingredients to enhance any “spiritual” message, to make it sound important. That is the conditioning!
Life is. We live it. We are conscious of it. That is the gift.
To be conscious of BEING, to BE conscious of the surroundings including our own bodies, that is a fantastic experience!
When we wake up in the morning from sleeping, the gift of a new experience is right there. However, our minds will add conditioned thoughts to define our current newness with the past, it will unwind the reel of past experiences to shape up our perspective on things… That is how Life becomes the “same old thing.”
The interesting aspect is that we want to hang onto the known. That which is known to us, secure, unchangeable which basically follows the pattern of our mind: The mind welcomes static things, lifeless things, something that could be labeled and classified as “good or bad.” Those labels will remain unchanged through centuries of conditioning.
“Snake.” Observe the feeling that this word brings, the imagery, the emotions. Whatever it is, the bottom line is: Is it “good or bad”?
We are so lifeless when living through words!
The effect of hanging onto the known brings fear. Our minds are masters in the art of infusing fear.
Then, we search for God, we look for truth, for a doctrine to “save us” to keep us safe, to mitigate fear.
Life becomes a task, a DOING to accomplish that safety, whether that is through possession of goods, the pursue of god or the attainment of what is good. Do you see how similar those words are?
“God, goods, good.” Observe your feelings for those words, your emotions, your conditioning.
Life is away from all those words and their connotation and conditioning.
Your experience of BEING is related with feelings and those feelings get distorted through words, concepts, definitions.
Life is not about static “TRUTH.” It is about appreciation of perspectives (realities not reality) and thus, enjoyment of them. To allow them to change as Life changes, as BEING changes without the need of the artificial DOCTRINE (religious, political) that keeps things under control, to bring the sensation of safety, to calm down fear.
Away from that Life of concepts, ideals and conditioning Life IS.
Appreciation and enjoyment of “what is” without further labels, is the key for change, for self-transformation, self-realization, enlightenment and all of those “good” but meaningless words.
Life is away from our mind driven life. 🙂
The paradox of the human race is that in order to have an organized, predictive lifestyle; a society was embraced.
That same society, is the origin of the human frustration and search for freedom.
This freedom is not the childish “freedom” of a nation over another. This freedom is a deep calling for expression, the liberation of the “hell” given by the “others”.
The establishment of a society ruled by the mind and reason, originated the denial of the animal side of a human being. That denial has produced all sorts of repressions, emotional traumas and mental diseases.
Society regulates, prohibits, punishes. Interestingly; God does the same thing, in mainstream religion. “In God we trust”.
Although the Universe is unity; most humans can only perceive separation. “Things” are separated and have no relationship. “Things” are by themselves. In that consciousness, “choosing” becomes the word to worship. It is the word that brings the illusion of freedom.
To live in society is about choice. There are many things to choose from. We will choose according to what is “good for me” according to our conditioning. It is that vision which is not inclusive of the Totality the one bringing undesired consequences. For most humans, it is “survival of the fittest”.
Human beings ruled by this impression, are unable to relax and enjoy Life. To achieve something, to beat someone else, to win whatever, becomes important. Perplexingly enough, these individuals like to talk about “getting” love, peace and happiness.
“This is bad” that is “good”. Do what is good. Reject what is bad.
Those are the holy words, the great teaching of society through moralists and “holy” men.
Nevertheless, what is “bad” is typically the “animal side.” The rejection of this side makes hypocrites: They themselves are unable to follow what they preach. It is a continuous battle inside.
The morality of most humans is concerned in becoming “angels and deities” by rejecting their animal side. They are not concerned in being fully humans now, but always about the future, in becoming something through rejection of their own realities.
That is why, to embrace all energies by integrating them rather than choosing through dualistic standards, becomes the “new” paradigm to fully acknowledge ourselves and transcend duality. The idealist perceptions and mental ideas are dissolved through the reality of feelings. A genuine feeling of self-acceptance, which builds the ground for inner understanding.
An animal does not know to be an animal. Just like a toddler. He is not concerned in such “knowledge”. Once we become aware of that “knowledge” problems will start because, we will reject according to our conditioning.
Is knowledge evil?
Neither good nor evil. It is part of what we are and needed to live in society. It is the difference between a full animal and humans. We are AWARE of our animal side. Animals may not be aware of this. Throughout history, we have chosen to reject that animal side and label it as “devilish, lower, ugly, bad,” etc.
Now, is the time to acknowledge it, to integrate it, to value it… to feel wholesome and human… again. This is Tantra.
Not everyone is ready for this, for before accepting the animal side; we need to fully reject it. We are talking about many Life times of experiences. This is the full range of experiences of humans… from “Yoga to Tantra.”
That is why Tantra, is not for everyone… but for those who are ready. 🙂
Growing out of “spiritual words.”
We rely heavily on words to understand. We think we know, when we got the concept or a definition. “Life/Spirituality” is not in the realm of words and language. Words are merely vague descriptions.
For example, the “problem” is “anger.” The solution is to be “centered.” Thus, to “practice” being centered, is the “homework” to attain the label “conqueror of anger.”
Anger is not a problem. The consequences on how we handle that energy is the issue. Anger is an experience, an emotional experience which needs to be observed, conscious of, aware of. If we label it as a “problem,” we are denying the other side of duality.
“What is that?”
The same energy that produces anger in one extreme, is the same one that will produce compassion on the other side.
Daylight and night are the experience of what we label as a day. Both come together. If we make a “problem” out of daylight, then our days will be fixated in “solving” something that does not need to be solved, only observed.
In the “office world,” we are taught to “solve problems.” We are trained to be “problem solvers.” That same mentality does not “work” in Life. There is nothing to “solve” but rather to be aware of as everything changes at its own time. We could push change by following our own agenda, by using violence and hide it with pretty labels such as “justice,” “the need of the time,” etc.
Our society, morality, values, spiritual coaches and religions are typically caught up in identifying “good,” defining it, labeling it and “practicing it.” That mentality does not have any depth. Any change in it is superficial.
Observe how many laws and codes of conduct man has followed throughout history. Observe that any change in human psychology has been superficial. Only in behavior and as long as someone is “watching.”
That is how God was needed. An honest, “God fearing individual” knows that “God is watching him,” thus that is no honesty at all. It is just a “spiritual” façade.
“To practice good” is the most dishonest behavior a person could engage in.
You ARE. If you practice something that you aren’t, you are merely covering that which you ARE with some belief of what “should be.” BE AWARE of what you ARE so change can happen.
A person “practicing” to be centered as to avoid anger, is making himself believe that he is achieving something. The reality is that the word “centered” is misleading our mind. Thus, I will practice what I believe to be “centered.”
My belief is based on my understanding, my interpretation of some spiritual class, some “best seller” book or just my understanding of the dictionary definition of the word “centered.”
Observe that we are caught up in words. We are caught up in the understanding of the mind. Just observe the energy of anger (don’t even use that label internally) without reacting. Be aware of it, let it go through you. This is to acknowledge the process.
Most individuals only want the “magic pill,” the “method to get rid of anger.” That is why “spiritual salesman” of quick-fixes are making a living by “helping others.”
Those individuals buying quick-fixes are not ready yet for inner Awareness. The same happens with Tantra. A “quick fix” to have “great sex,” to “last longer” will not necessarily lead to a fulfilling Life. Selling the icing of the cake without the cake is like building a house without foundation.
“But Ahnanda… you have written good arguments but you have not given a solution to anger… “
Well my friend, it seems that the above hasn’t been understood. I wonder If I am not using the “right words.”
Here is your “solution.” Remove yourself from the world for 90 days. Live by yourself, alone without any human company, TVs, phones, computers, etc. When you go back to the “real world,” you will be AWARE and sensible about the energy of anger.
“But Ahnanda… that is not practical. We have to make a living, we have jobs, studies, relationships, a life to take care of…”
I understand. Then, follow a quick fix. Pick any. Practice it… Pay for it so it is “worth it.” Ask for a money back policy. Would that work?
“Ahnanda… you surprise me. First you say that “quick fixes” are only superficial, but yet you are giving me that “solution” to my serious enquire about anger. Why are you doing that?”
Ah! My friend…So you don’t get angry. See, I am “helping you.” 🙂
The reality of the “game.”
To delve into the ideals of society will bring greater understanding of the “game” being played. That understanding can take someone into the realm where “good and bad, right and wrong” are just infantile ideals.
There are rules in society, yes… as in every game. Be aware of the rules to play the game.
Observe Life. There is low tide and high tide. Both are the full experience. Labels are merely to identify things. Low tide is not better or worse than high tide. It just depends on how “what is” is affecting some and not others. A city overflows through high tide. Is that “bad”? Is that “wrong”? Life does not work under those limiting labels.
Most could say that human actions are “good, bad, right, wrong,” but again that is a very infantile way to look at things. In Life, every experience has benefit even though we may label them as “bad, ugly, wrong, devilish, etc.”
“But… Why… Killing people is wrong!! What is the benefit of it?”
🙂 Observe the world. You and I are here today because of that killing of the past.
Is that hard to see? Could you appreciate the connection of all lives?
Someone is killed. Due to that there is a change… a change which could benefit many in the long run and which others will oppose. Everyone looks at their own benefit so there is struggle of the “I,” and through that struggle, there is suffering… Through that suffering comes understanding; dissolution of that “I, ” through that understanding… struggle ceases to be…
Just like high and low tide. Do you see that? That is called a full circle, a Life experience.
I am not saying that we should kill. Please do not misunderstand me. I am saying that whatever is happening … all is well; all is good as it has to be. I am not telling you what to DO. As we know there are consequences to every intention behind an action, and those consequences will drive further change.
Did I share that newness, creation can only come out of destruction? There is no “fixing,” that could create newness. That is the story behind the mythical Phoenix bird.
While ideals of our society are fixated in “low tide is better” than “high tide,” the separation of a natural continuity is made. That separation is only mental; it is a wishy washy belief supported by most religions through an unhealthy duality.
That is why, embracing all and everything, opening to “what is” without labeling it and trying to escape into some human morality to feel “holy than thou” becomes the most important step into inner honesty.
We can play the “game.” Yes. It is there to be played, to have fun, to enjoy it. If you make that “game” your reality, then you will be “happy” if “low tide” is there as that matches your expectation, your training, your belief. Don’t talk about “high tide.” Make it a taboo… and when “high tide” appears, deny it… That is “morality.”
The game of “reality” is a game which is not meant to be defined through infantile labels. It is only meant to be enjoyed, marveled, appreciated. Nothing to change, nothing to fix; for that feature comes already in the game. Observe it, sit back and relax….a feeling of gratitude arrives… Now, we are getting someplace. 🙂
All is “good” in acceptance
At the end… it is all good…
Acceptance is a word conveying openness to Life.
Acceptance is not a practice. There is no way to “practice” it.
There is no way to define it. There is no way to know “it” until it happens to you.
Experience of it will allow you to talk about it, but whatever it is said, it is never “it.”
“Why are you “talking” about it then?”
Because there is no other way to refer to it.
You see a beggar outside asking for money.
Those “trying to be good,” will use that opportunity to feel good about themselves. They will practice a virtue such as “charity,” so they can tell others: “ I practiced charity today.” Then they will keep track of that “good action” for judgment day. There is “proof” of “good deeds.” “Salvation” is the goal. 🙂
“I did something “good.” I am working towards earning Heaven.”
The above practice is completely meaningless for those who are aware of the “I” in action.
For those who are not, the above practice has meaning. It is part of their necessary development in Life.
Therefore, all is good.
“Acceptance sounds good; but how do you deal with a violent behavior against you? What do you? Flow with it, accept it and do nothing?”
Accept yourself first and do according to what you ARE. If you do according to what you are told, you will repress who you ARE.
Whatever you “do” will have a consequence.
It was a “good” consequence? Then great.
It was a “bad” consequence? Then it is a lesson.
Therefore, “good.” 🙂
That lesson will shape your consciousness. It is an experience to learn from.
Therefore, all is good.
Repression has a limit. It could save you momentarily from “getting in trouble,” but the pressure inside will explode sooner or later, then all things which were repressed; will come out to the open and without restriction.
Who you ARE, will be known sooner or later.
It does not matter if others know or do not know about it.
You will know. Unless you are not aware.
Is not being aware “bad”?
No! Then you will get the chance to repeat the lesson again, until it is learned.
Thus, all is good.
If the lesson of inner honesty hasn’t been learned, then we will try to cover those things, which we do not like about ourselves. We could try to look “saintly,” “respectable,” etc. but any actions of the “I” to “fix ourselves” are meant to deceive ourselves, for it is a rejection of who we ARE.
This rejection will build repression again and with that we will repeat the same pattern of explosion-repression.
“But… how do I fix it, if I find something “wrong” in me?
Definitely it is not by labeling it as “bad.” It is not by changing behavior but by understanding the ramifications, the consequences of that. If playing with fire causes to burn my hand; labeling fire as “bad” will not do a thing. Telling myself that I “should never play with fire again” will only create fear in me, a rejection. Do we see that?
Acceptance of everything around us, cannot happen unless there is complete acceptance of who we ARE.
Without knowing who we ARE, there is no acceptance and because of that, no openness in consciousness.
Who we ARE is not related with a belief or a concept such as: I am a soul, I am a spirit, I am a body, I am a brain, etc.
Who we ARE is known by the observation of the type of unrehearsed, raw, “natural” activities that we perform.
If you are alone, if no one is seeing you or watching you, what will you do? How do you act?
Observe that this is not a religious belief or social agreement to act in a certain way to look “good” or to look “respectable.” To do that is to be dishonest for the one who is aware of the “I.”
For the one who is not aware of the “I,” the above practice is “good” until that individual becomes aware of the “I.”
Thus, all is good.
Life is change, and so “what is.” Whatever change that may be… it is all good. 🙂
Solving the “problems.”
Tired of hearing easy solutions from others, I decided to find those solutions by myself.
The solution and the problem are different ends of the same rope.
-Take XYZ. You will feel energized.
Feel rushed and stressed out?
-Meditate. That will solve the problem.
Your girlfriend is angry with you?
-Just love her. Love is the answer.
Have a disease and want a cure now?
-Pray to God. He can help you.
Your “I” is the problem?
-Become One with Oneness… Practice “less-I-ness” to accomplish that.
Tell me your “problem” and “I” will give you the “solution.”
It is free of charge!
“But all your talk deals only with observation and awareness…”
Isn’t it interesting how we feel in a certain way, and we do not know why?
Nevertheless, “to know why” will not do a thing for us. To become aware of it, will.
“But… just awareness?”
My dear, if you were aware…really truly aware of what is going on, you would know.
Aware of your feelings, your emotions, the way your body feels during the day, aware of the way you talk. Aware of how you move. Aware of the way you breathe. Aware of how the “outside” penetrates the “inside,” and the inside the outside…aware of the thoughts going on in your mind…
“But… that is a lot of stuff to keep track of…”
For the “I,” yes.
Become aware of that.
“But what is the method, what is the thing that “I” must do to achieve that awareness?
There is no method. There is nothing to do.
Please keep this mantra in your awareness: “Everything the “I” does to fix his own perceived “problems,” it is just a distraction to be aware of itself.”
“That is nonsense. Then how can “I” “improve” “myself”?
By being aware that there is an “I” wanting to “improve.”
Want for an angel to help you “improve”? Want for a way to control things and the outcome of those things?
That is the “I” looking to survive.
Paradise as a distraction; anyone?
Do you think that “I” will go to Heaven?
One thing is for sure. “I” cannot go “there.” Neither “you.”
Don’t understand? Too cryptic? Perhaps “I” am too difficult?
Want for things to make sense? To be logical? Some nice story so you can tell “others”?
Your “spiritual” age may be the equivalent of a 1-year-old baby. This stuff may not make sense to you but in a few years, it may…
At that tender age, to believe in punishment by God or the Devil is a good thing. It is meant to shape you up… You, “bad boy…” 🙂
Pushed to “do things” so you could be rewarded by God in the future? Great tool to discipline you.
At that age to believe that your Life “now” is about “getting salvation” in the after life is indeed, a nice toy to play with. It will keep you busy, so you don’t get in trouble…
Oh…I see, you don’t believe. You call yourself an “atheist.” Are you “saved” from this sort of childhood?
No. You are in the same boat, but the opposite side. A believer or a non-believer call each other through the same phone number. A message is left in the answering machine, the other party will hear it, erase it and leave his own message. That is the game.
Enjoy that childhood because it will change… Sooner or later it will change.
At that time, you may want to read this article again. Perhaps it will make sense then.
“Cow does not remember when it was veal.” Paradoxically, even though the same…they are different.